Who are you really?

Who are you, really?

Your vibe attracts your tribe!

You may have heard the saying: “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”

Tony Robbins takes this a little further and says: “The quality of your life is most often a reflection of the expectations of your peer group. Choose your peers wisely.”

We like to believe that we’re independent thinkers, making decisions and choices out of our own free will. We convince ourselves that our desires, dreams, aspirations, likes and dislikes come from our true authentic selves and “nobody tells ME what to do!” Well, unfortunately that’s not quite the case. Us humans are naturally social creatures, living together in large groups and societies, we certainly influence each other, both positively and negatively, consciously and subconsciously. Whilst it’s completely necessary to take cues from others in what would be acceptable social behaviour or engagement, we need to also be aware when are following the pack blindly, just to feel or be more accepted.

Nobody wants to be alone, alienated, outcast or unaccepted. Our families, friends, colleagues and community members are the people we turn to for guidance, support and help when we need it. We share, learn, love and laugh together through the good times and bad, your people are what makes life worth living! As grown adults we know that not all people are good or have your best interests at heart, so it’s really important that we continually check in with ourselves and foster a strong sense of discernment. If not, you will find yourself to be a reflection of others. So let’s first take a look at our nearest and dearest and see how much of an influence they have on you.

Go through the following questions one by one, taking time between each to reflect:

– Aside from family you live with, who are you hanging out with often?
– How do you feel when you’re with them, as well as afterwards?
– Do these people align with your morals and values?
– Do you feel valued, supported and loved?
– Are they negative more often than not, dragging you into their drama and problems all the time?
– Can you count on them to have your back?
– Are they honest and truthful with you?
– Do you trust them?
– Do your friends set high standards for themselves, are they inspiring, do they encourage you to grow?
– Do they walk the talk? Or are they full of empty promises and hot air?

Maybe you remember the movie “Meet the Fockers”… If you do, you’ll certainly know what I mean when I refer to “the circle of trust”! Make sure you’re choosing the right people to be in your circle. It’s far better having fewer, more authentic friends in your life than a whole bunch of acquaintances. Relationships take effort, investment of your time and energy. Be aware of energy vampires!

In the Harvard study of happiness (which has spanned over 85 years and involved over 2000 participants and 3 generations) the key factor that correlates with good living, is to foster good relationships. So, as we spend so much time with our friends (and family) and we understand how much we rub off on each other, it’ll serve you well to hold onto those that are in it for the long haul.

Others also associate your friends with you and if you feel unsure about them or worry what others may think of you, maybe that’s a sign you need different people in your life. What is also something to consider when it comes to all of this, is that you are not absolved from holding yourself accountable in the same way.

Moving onto other spheres of influence on our dreams and desires… We are manipulated daily by big brands through the algorithms of the media channels and social networks, actors, pop stars and sport stars . Selling you products and lifestyles and a perfect happy life! It all acts as a mirror, feeding back to you a warped reality, where the influencers “run the show”! Those with the loudest voices, sparkliest garments, fanciest things, big brands and connections drive the traffic, not necessarily those living in their truth. Every company in the world spends money on marketing and advertising, so know that it works, and has immense power over the narrative. Be wise to see past the smoke and mirrors, tinsel and tricks.

So how do we attract the right people into our lives?
How do we know who we really are?
How can we get back a little of what has been lost over the rise of the Internet of all things, big tech and convenience?
Surely what most seekers are looking for is a way back to wholeness…

We put down our devices. We find our Sangha. We choose to sit. And we become, together.
We surrender and come home to ourselves.
I practice not only for me. I practice for others.

Come home to your heart xx

Love Kirst

Ps: Be the best version of yourself, not a copy of someone else.

Original Blog written by Kirsten-Mia Hickey for The Roaming Yogi.

References:

https://thinkaloud.net/you-are-who-you-hang-out-with/

https://www.mckinsey.com/featured-insights/mckinsey-on-books/author-talks-the-worlds-longest-study-of-adult-development-finds-the-key-to-happy-living

https://file.scirp.org/Html8-1760197_49227.htm

https://youthfirstinc.org/values-in-todays-society/

http://www.project2061.org/publications/sfaa/online/chap7.htm

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